A time for everything.

I haven't posted on this blog in quite some time!  If you're following my daily "like" list, that's awesome!  Thank you!  If not, it's cool!  That's just where my attention's been more focused the past few months, but I've got some thoughts today that need more than a few paragraphs.  (Don't worry...My "like" will go up later today!)  Or maybe it'll only take a few paragraphs?  Who knows.  Anyway, here we are!

Winter break is coming to a close and 2011 is off to a great start.  Today I'm happy to report that I'm coming at you live from 95 North (unless the bus driver got on a different road while I was sleeping before), making my way back to the city of New York.  I couldn't be more excited to see that big beautiful city of mine, walking its streets and getting back into what I know to be my real life these days.  I was thinking last night how different my attitude toward going back is this year compared to last year...This time last year I was in no way excited about returning.  Thanks to some delayed homesickness--I didn't experience any upon my arrival in August and only a small bit after Thanksgiving break--I was really having trouble getting myself into the mindset I needed to be in.  I could have stayed home in Virginia for weeks longer and I'd have been happy as a clam.  This year that hasn't been the case.  I'm feeling much more like I was at the end of the summer...Thankful for every moment of the time I was able to spend at home, but fully ready and needing to be back in the city dancing every day, being actually productive again.  (I've realized this past year that I'm more of a visit home more frequently for less lengthy spans of time kind of gal.  A week or two is usually good, but any more than that I tend to get antsy and cranky and I lose any kind of routine that I'm able to get myself into during my normal schedule.)

Which brings me to my next little spiel.  (I promise, I'll connect them in a minute...Or try, at least! Ha!)  For those of you who don't know, NYU's dance program is a three year program, meaning technically this past fall was my sophomore semester and I go back on Monday as junior.  (Crazy, right?!)  Anyway, I have to say that "sophomore slump" ain't a joke!  I'm not saying I completely slacked off the first four months of the school year, but I definitely didn't have my priorities straight.  I feel like I never really settled in, never really hit my stride, thus causing stress due to lack of solidity.  Last year I had my routine down pat--which, for me, is something that I really like to have to follow.  Because I couldn't seem to recreate the previous year's, I found myself annoyed and, again, stressed for a good part of the semester.  I did, however, have a lot more fun the last four months because I wasn't taking myself as seriously as I had all year last year, particularly throughout the day in my classes.  I mean seriously, when you're spending as much time as we all do in school, we really have to try to have fun while we're doing all that work!  So long story short, this past fall semester just never felt quite right.

The greatest thing about both of these phases is just that: they're phases.  They're periods of time that have come to a close.  I'm not saying I'm happy because break is ending and I'm leaving my family and friends from Virginia home, but I am very excited about getting back to my home and seeing all my school and city friends and really getting these next few months under way.  I'm ready to be spending 10 hours a day in class and rehearsal and doing work rather than laying on the couch watching "The Office," though I'm not regretting those couple of days one bit! :)  I'm not saying fall semester was a complete waste of time and I didn't do anything, for I was still pulling off good grades and got work done.  But I'm fully guilty of not doing it to the absolute best of my ability.  I do believe the tables have turned...

I've come back to this place of being ready and excited to tackle the world.  For me, knowing that the road ahead is going to be a tough one, knowing that I need to be taking care of myself mentally and physically for the tasks that are to be accomplished, I've finally become tired of laziness once again...Because I know that in the long run, laziness is not going to get me anywhere I want/need to get to.  But to get to this place, it took me serious homesickness, two too-long breaks (summer and winter) and a goof-off semester.

I'm writing this because I feel that it's important to remember that life is a series of phases.  The highs, the lows...Life includes the whole spectrum from very best to very worst, all of which are absolutely important and relevant and contain lessons and knowledge that we can walk away with for whenever we'll need it next.  After these particular examples of the ones I've found myself experiencing and looking at where I am now as opposed to a year ago, I always remind myself that generally our frustrations (my frustrations...speaking for myself) are temporary.  They always run their course!  Sometimes, though, as you walk through the stormy places in life, praying through them, looking for the light but not seeming to find even the smallest glimmer, it seems as if you'll never put this phase behind.  This is how I feel when I dwell on things too much and overanalyze to "fix" to the point of ridiculous obsession.  In times like this, when nothing I do is able to rectify a situation, I'm reminded that I'm actually not in control in the least, no matter how much I like to think so.  It becomes obvious after awhile--sudden changes and alterations to my lifestyle are short-lived do nothing but worsen the problem because I'm now stressing at the fact that I can't maintain these changes steadily, thus feeling like I've failed again and.  It's safe to say the motivation to turn things around is pretty much shot at that point.

This is when I give it up.  I don't give up, but I give it up.  The problem, the annoyance...It's not my burden to carry.  I acknowledge the fact that I'm not where I want to be or where I need to be.  I see that there are things that need to be changed.  I recognize that things are going on that shouldn't be.  And I realize that everything I make myself do out of haste is counterproductive.  But as soon as I quit holding onto that weight with a death grip is when I see that shift that I couldn't seem to make happen.  And sometimes, that takes lots of time working through less than ideal circumstances.  But again, it's a phase and phases are not permanent

Anyway, this is what I'm keeping in mind as I start fresh with a new semester.  We've got a new semester, a new year...It's time to take things as they come, know that we're always okay, and most importantly, do everything with all that we have :)